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"This wouldn't happen in Russia"

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The President walks into a local pub. Everyone shits their fricken pants because the President is here.

via: Anti Joke
Man: Hey sweetie, can I take you home tonight?
Girl: No thanks, my dad's gonna be here any minute.

via: Anti-Pickup Line
I'm sorry, but having a DB9 on the drive and not driving it is a bit like having Keira Knightley in your bed and sleeping...

via: Clarksonisms

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